Lyndsay was diagnosed with brain cancer at the age of 15 months and fought the disease until she passed away when she was five years old. During her battle with brain cancer her life was blessed by so many caring and wonderful people at UNC Hospitals, Duke Hospital, the Ronald McDonald House, the Make-A-Wish Foundation and many, many others who did their best to cure Lyndsay or bring joy to her life. Today there are many children just like Lyndsay fighting for their lives.

I’ve fund raised for AIDS Project Los Angeles in 2006 and 2009. I have raised over $5,000 for the cause. This year I decided to dedicate my Honolulu marathon run to raise money for the Dancing Butterfly Foundation in memory of a kind, loving soul, Lyndsay Elaine Brewer. I have not met Lyndsay before she died, however during her time here with us; a very good friend of mine by the name of Christie McKenzie befriended Lyndsay and her family and became very close to them. Throughout her ordeal with cancer, Christie kept me updated about Lyndsay’s well being. I’ve gotten to know Lyndsay through Christie and for the next several years we’ve had many prayer vigils for her health. In the end her tiny body succumbed to the disease. But her spirit and courage live on. Such a tiny soul battling a huge disease.

The Dancing Butterfly Foundation was started in memory of Lyndsay Elaine Brewer. Lyndsay was a beautiful, blond-haired, blue-eyed, little girl whose remarkable spirit inspired all who knew her. She loved butterflies and wanted to be a ballerina when she grew up, so we have honored her by naming the foundation the Dancing Butterfly Foundation.

The mission of the foundation is dedicated to giving to children battling life-threatening illnesses and to their families with the hope of bringing some joy and cheer to their lives during difficult times. Donations will include, but not be limited to toys, books, puzzles, movies, and financial assistance. Donations will be given through hospitals, clinics, and other organizations whose goal is to help children fighting this battle.

26.2 miles is nothing. Not when I am healthy and have no illnesses to worry about. Your donation will go more than 26.2 miles. It will have such an impact on these children who are battling such great adversities.

No donation is too little or inconsequential. Your gift affects the lives of these children and their families instantaneously. The human spirit is truly amazing. As for me, I will make sure I work hard to earn your donation.

This is the 6th week of my training. It’s going to get tougher as the weeks go by. At least I have some experience with how painful and agonizing and rewarding crossing the finish line is.

So as the holidays are approaching these butterflies need our love and support. Please join me in the spirit of giving. Please make your donations to:

Dancing Butterfly Foundation

and send to the address below:

1023 1/2 S Glenoaks Blvd
Burbank CA 91502

All proceeds go directly to the foundation. No event or fund raising company gets a hold of any of the funds raised. I AM THE fundraiser.  I swear I won’t keep any of it.

I’ll be updating everyone about my training.

Please visit:

The Dancing Butterfly Foundation

Thank you everyone!!!

Looking forward to those donations…

According to the latest figures released this morning, over 14,000 runners crossed the finished line.  And I am one of them.  You know, as I passed the 26 mile banner above me,  and I was approaching the last point 2 miles of the marathon, it occurred to me right there and then as I was trying very hard to prevent my legs to cramp up, that all this pain and suffering were all worth it.  The visual of a finisher medal around my neck produced electrifying surged throughout my body that I forgot all about the agonizing pain in my leg.  Forgetting and feeling are entirely different realms of consciousness.  I can forget but the pain is still there and even though your mind tries to block it out the pain receptors are still working overtime.

I can see thousands upon thousands of people cheering us runners along the sidewalk.  But I felt like they were just cheering for me.  The crowd’s cheer was also muscle numbing and overwhelming to the senses.  I made sure to look at them.  I looked to each side and all I could see were smiling faces, clapping, holding their fists, shouting at me, “You can do it!!!  Go for it!!!”  They were all in slow motion in my head.  Even when they were screaming at me.  I felt I was running as fast as I could in those point 2 miles but I was probably in slow motion too in their eyes.  Not because I wanted it to have a movie like effect, but because I was really in slow motion due to the pain.   And then the movie like fantasy playing in my head was interrupted by an announcement of my name blaring through the loud speaker for every one to hear, “And here comes, Arvin Hernandez of Burbank, CA.”  The announcement of my name made it a reality.  I crossed the finish line in one perfect, harmonious piece, with my body in pain and a medal around my neck.

I crossed the finished line knowing that along the way, along the many paths we as human beings traverse, there are sweet and kind beings that encourage us to succeed, to better ourselves, to motivate us, to inspire us, to give us hugs, to give us food and water, to give us high fives, to walk with us until we are able to see the limitless potentials in ourselves.  Along the marathon path, I am confident in the inherent goodness of all human beings to accomplish many great things for themselves and for each other.

Thank you all so very much, my friends and family, for your love and support throughout this journey.

See all the photos of the 2009 LA Marathon here.

*My current fund raising drive is The Dancing Butterfly Foundation. Please visit for current activity and donation information. Thank you.

I am in Hawaii right now.  Actually to be specific I am at a coffee shop in Kailua writing this entry. There is no network to connect to when I’m at my parents house up in the mountains; the Ko’olau to be exact.  The view is magnificent.  I grew up waking up to this as my backyard and front yard. I’m surrounded by these majesties.  And I’m only recently reminded how much I had taken these things for granted.  People are funny I tell you.  We all take things for granted that we may not be aware of until some things happen to remind us.

Rosalina Hernandez Cabaral

Which brings me to the reason why I am here in Hawaii at a coffee shop writing this entry.  My aunt Rose just died a couple of days ago.  To be specific, Wednesday November 5th at 12:12 in the morning.  I was in the room saying my farewell when her body was hooked up to the breathing machine.  I was there when she took her last breath.  I felt like I was in some kind of movie.  To be specific, Steel Magnolias; the scene where M’Lynn was watching the hospital workers taking the tubes out of Shelby.  But my scene was real. Auntie Rose is not coming back anytime soon.  Her body is not in any shape to house an energetic, caring, loving, compassionate and all those other things you say about someone who is a wonderful spirit.  My aunt Rose started her dialysis treatment at a very young age.  Her children are all of us, her nephews and nieces.  She is also a grand aunt.  We are all her children.  Her body has gone through 2 kidney transplants which seemed to work for a bit and then gets rejected by her body. Her body has gone through over 27 years of dialysis.  And so when her body encountered an infection it couldn’t fight off, it went into a coma.  My mother called to tell me the news and it was just a matter of time before I was on a flight to go home and be with the family.  She wasn’t going to make it. Even if the greatest possibility of her making a recovery from the infection is there she wouldn’t be like her self before she was admitted.  And she repeatedly declared not to let her be in a vegetative state.

When I was on the plane going back home to Hawaii, I was thinking that it was just yesterday I was training at the tracks doing 5 mile repeats.  I think I have described what mile repeats are. But I love explaining running terminology anyhow.  Mile repeats are when you run a mile around the track and walk one lap and then run another mile and the cycle continues until you reach your goal mile. So I thought it was very movie like that I am going home to Hawaii to say goodbye to my aunt.  It didn’t seem real at all.  I wanted it to be yesterday again and do my 5 mile repeats. At least I know what to expect.  I know I’ll have to run a mile and rest and run again.  I don’t like uncertainties.  I don’t think most of us really do.  I thought that if I was running now everything will be fine.  I would feel real.  I would feel my legs start to tighten, my heart starts to beat faster to deliver oxygen to the cells and organs in my body.  I would feel my eyes stinging from the sunscreen laden sweat.  I would feel the change in temperature as the sun begins to stenghten.   The feeling of thirst and tiredness would set in and your mind starts to deliver thoughts of doubts and of quitting.  But then somehow your spirit manages to calm the mind and offers it hope that this suffering and agony will end.  And so the struggle ends.  Your mind then rewards your spirit with lots of endorphins. You feel the most magnificent feeling surge throughout your body as you try to catch your breath.  You look out at your surroundings and everything feels peaceful even with other people running or walking around you. You feel invincible, you feel strong, you feel like you can accomplish anything you set your mind to.  You feel alive.

And so there I was standing next to my aunt’s bed in the intensive care unit.  My dad is in the room with me on the other side of the bed across from me.  The nurse, Dan, whom I immediately thought was very attractive with blue eyes told my father and I of my aunt’s condition.  Even at tragic moments I find it hard not to flirt.  But I didn’t.  I listened dreamy-like to what he was saying.  In the end Dan summarized that she was very sick and a miracle is the only hope.  This is the first time in my life where I really wanted a miracle to happen.  But miracles happen all the time to far away places and people.  My father and his siblings had already decided to take my aunt off life support.  So I was in the room with my father to say my farewell.  I tried very hard to compose myself as I hardly cry these days.  Perhaps I’ve come to accept that I’m going to die and people are going to die.  So there is no use in crying.  Unless of course the cause of death is something tragic then I don’t know how I would feel in that situation.  But this I’ve come to accept that she will die of complications from dialysis.   I leaned up next to her face and brushed the gray hairs off her forehead with my hand and whispered, “Auntie, it’s Arvin.  It’s okay auntie.  Don’t worry.”  I kept touching her forehead and stared at her face for awhile.  Then memories crept into my mind and started playing with my thoughts and feelings.  My tears made their grand entrance finally.  I guess I couldn’t hold them back any longer.  You can’t hold feelings prisoners forever whatever they may be.  They are going to escape at any slight opening or chance you give them. The memories made my tears escape as memories often do for most of us.  Damn memories of my aunt are abundant and so goes my tears.  The thoughts that really got to me were of my auntie Rose’s limited capacity to do physical activities, to travel more, to really enjoy life to the fullest without worrying about what it would do to her condition.  But she did live the best way she was able to.  And here I am not acting upon my full potential.  I am healthy and I have become complacent for some time.  I have been scared to do the things that I wanted to do because I was afraid of people’s views of me and failure.  And here I am in front of someone who should have had the right to complain about everything in a breathing tube.  And so I was sobbing uncontrollably not because I was feeling sorry for myself but because I was afraid to do things I want to do and here I am in front of someone who wasn’t scared to do anything.  I was in front of someone who gave more of herself because she loved everyone around her and she wanted to help the best she could even though she had to go on dialysis three times a week.  Most of us people place importance on inconsequential things.  Think about it people.  We place a lot of importance on things that don’t matter.  I won’t tell you what they are because they may be different than mine.  But think about it.  We have to dig deep to discover what’s important in our lives. Sobbing, I continued, “You taught me a lot of things. You taught me not to complain too much about life, about the things I don’t have. You taught me to do whatever I want to do.  You taught me so much and I will not forget them.  I will live like how you taught me.”

My aunt’s struggle has ended.  Like running a marathon there is an end, a finish line.  No matter if you were racing to win or to take a stroll and see the scenery and be with people that are just as determined as you are there is always pain and agony to get to the end.  The thing that matters most is how you get there.  I hope my aunt knew that when she crossed the finish line she finished surrounded by people who loved her dearly. She finished her race with people that remembered her for her ability to always give more of herself unconditionally and without regret.

*My current fund raising drive is The Dancing Butterfly Foundation. Please visit for current activity and donation information. Thank you.

These days my appetite has drastically altered.  I still hunger for attention but in a more fullfilling way.  I believe the hunger for attention is embedded heavily in all of us more so than other feelings.  Human beings love attention.  And so now I crave for things that satisfies the spirit.  In other words, I have become the person I didn’t want to become; boring.

Yesterday was the first 8 miles of training.  Most Saturdays we’ve been doing track workouts.  Yesterday was the first time the advanced group ran as a team albeit divided by pace.  I am in the 9:30 pace.  To all of you who do not know what the hell that means.  Basically it just translate to 9 minutes and 30 seconds per mile.  I was kind of irritated that my little itty bitty coach Cindy (she is so cute you guys and so nice too) didn’t place me in the 9 minute a mile group.  There goes my ego again wanting attention.  But besides the whole ego thing, I believe I can run a 9 minute mile.  So there were 3 of us in the 9:30 minute mile group out of the 8 of us that makes up the whole advanced group.   I’m kind of excited to be in the group.  I get to do different workouts every Saturday.  The purpose of the advance training is to achieve a goal time at the marathon.  My goal is to run the marathon under 4 hours and 30 minutes.  Now that you know what my goal time is, you will be inclined to donate to my goal.

These days most of my free time consists of sleeping early on Fridays to get up at 6 in the morning the next day.  I never used to get up early on the weekends.  But I feel like I’ve already lost half my day if I wake up later than 8 o’clock.  Time is very important to me these days.  I don’t know if it’s the age thing or what but I tend not to waste time doing nothing.  I have to accomplish something.  I love cleaning the apartment.  My big thing on Saturdays after training is going to the recycling center to drop off the items that my roommates and I collected during the week.  I usually stop by the store to get some food for breakfast.  Then I would clean the apartment; sweeping the hard wood floors, dusting, scrubbing the kitchen floor and relax for a bit and wait for friends to show up in the afternoon for some drinks and continue on for dinner.  We would sit around the living room and talk about life in general.  Sometimes we play poker that involves not stripping, but hard earned dollars.  Then on Sundays I would normally go for a run in the morning and have breakfast with my roommates.  And in the afternoon I would try and write an entry for my blog.  That’s my life these days.  My boring life.  Mind you there is nothing wrong with going out and having fun and being admired.  If it makes you happy then you do whatever makes you feel good.  But I believed I was doing it for immature reasons which is fine.  I don’t regret every single moment of the things that I’ve done.  Because I enjoyed myself and I spent it with people that eventually became my good friends.

These days I don’t need to be admired for my appearance.  I don’t need to be admired for my accomplishments because frankly we all have accomplishments however small or great they may be.  And we can still accomplish many things.  My hunger these days is to inspire people to inspire others of the immense potential we human beings have.   That in itself makes me full.

*This event has passed. Thank you all to everyone who have donated and participated in helping me meet my financial contribution to the 2009 AIDS Marathon. I couldn’t have done it without your support. My current fund raising drive is The Dancing Butterfly Foundation. Please visit for current activity and donation information. Thank you.

I am also so excited I get to be in the advance group.  I’ve always wanted to be advanced at anything but never had the guts to try something advanced.  I tell you, as you grow older in years and you learn more about yourself, some of your inhibitions seem to fade or you just don’t care because you’re growing old anyhow.  What do you have to lose right?  Well, I think I’m generalizing this important issue.  So I will speak from personal experience.  If someone were to ask me during a life interview, (not a job interview but a life interview), “How do you feel about your life at this moment in time?”  First I would ask, what the hell is a life interview?  Well, a life interview, if you so desire to know, is an assessment of your current life stage.  You can either self evaluate or be totally imaginative and imagine having an imaginary interviewer to ask you that simple but daring question, “How do you feel about your life at this moment in time?”  I know both scenarious are sort of awkward but I prefer to have an imaginary interviewer ask me that question.  Although i like to talk to myself out loud I still prefer someone who is not there asking me a question.

I would say, “Well…hmmm…that is a difficult question to answer.  Actually not really.  It’s a simple question but the answer is difficult to conceive.”

My interviewer asks, “Are you happy?”

“Yes, for the most part.  I am very happy with some aspects of my life.  Not entirely.  But I am.  I’m sort of frustrated about which career path to take or lack thereof.  I don’t know what to do in that department.  But I am looking into going back to school; film school since I’ve always liked doing videos anyhow.  In fact I have already registered for the winter semester.”

Interviewer interjects, “Ah you see.  That’s very good.  You have moved a step closer to whatever it is you want to achieve.”

“Yeah I have.  Before I never thought to do something about it.  Hmmm…that’s funny.  I kind of like this doing something to achieve something thing.  It makes me feel like I’m doing something.  Which I am.”

“How else do you feel about your life?”

I thought about it for a second, I mean really thought  about it.  I even turned my head to the side and made that thinking look appear on my face.  “You know what else that is different about me?”

“What?”

“I feel more confident these days.  Like I can achieve anything I set my mind to.  Like this morning.  I had to wake up at 6 am for training but my alarm clock did not go off and so I woke up 10 minutes before 7 which is the time training starts.  The old me would have gone back to bed and make excuses and not show up for training.  Instead I got up, washed my face, put on a hat because my hair is just too wild, even though I think I’m losing more hair than a shaggy dog, drank coffee, put my shoes on, ate cereal all within 5 minutes.  Then I left home for the tracks.  Albeit 5 minutes late but I showed up,” giggling a little.  “I showed up!”  I said it so proudly.

“Good for you for showing up.  I know a little about the old Arvin myself.”  I was surprised the interviewer knew something if even a little about me.  “The old you, would have never told anyone about anything.  You were afraid to tell anyone about your aspirations and dreams and passions.  You were afraid because you would think people will call on the things that you did not achieve.”  I kept quiet.  During life transitions or evolutions you also know how to be patient and to approach situations through dialogue and not by confrontations.  Confrontations solve nothing.  I’m big on dialogue these days.

So I said to my life interviewer the same thing that Nico sang in that song titled These Days, “Please don’t confront me with my failures.  I had not forgotten them.”  Yes I had not forgotten any of them.  Whatever dreams and goals I have lurking in the back of my mind I can still achieve them.  And I will.  And the more I tackle them the more my mind is strip of thoughts of failure.  That’s the beauty of being alive.  You can still do something.

To be continued…

*This event has passed. Thank you all to everyone who have donated and participated in helping me meet my financial contribution to the 2009 AIDS Marathon. I couldn’t have done it without your support. My current fund raising drive is The Dancing Butterfly Foundation. Please visit for current activity and donation information. Thank you.

My mother putting a puka shell lei

As you all may have been aware, back in December 2006, I completed the Honolulu Marathon.  It was the first marathon I have ever completed in my life.  Not only was it the first marathon but also the first biggest altruistic action I’ve ever done and accomplished.  I mean I am one of those people who drops a few coins into those red metal cans during the holidays as most of you probably do.  And I’m one of those people who contributed a dollar to cancer when cashiers from Pavilions ask me to.  We all do it when there is actually change in our pockets or a dollar we can spare.   Because I believe that WE all have that sense of belonging and community.  After all we are all human beings.  And we all have that innate characteristics to care, to nurture, to empathize and all those other human feelings we feel in ourselves and for each other as people of the earth.

A couple years ago I saw a Frontline documentary about the Age of AIDS.  Most of you have probably read my blog before so I won’t bore you with details about how I felt compelled to do something which I eventually did.  I signed up for this great cause the day after I saw that documentary.   I trained with the National Aids Marathon Training program for 6 months and all the while raising over $4000 for HIV/AIDS through AIDS Project Los Angeles better known as APLA.  I could not have done it without your support.  And now, I am asking for your help once more.  Deja vu isn’t it?

I will be running the LA Marathon to raise money for AIDS Project Los Angeles.  I’ve completed the LA Marathon back in 2007 but not for APLA but for myself.  But this time I will be running 26.2 miles for a very good cause.  I feel very fortunate for the things I have in my life; friends, family, a roof over my head and a job to pay my bills.  But the feeling of wanting to do something for my fellow human beings has never been far away.  So here I am again asking for your help once more.  Not to worry, I will probably be asking you for donations next year.

Please, won’t you come and join me with this great cause?  Together we can change our reality and the world and I am not even speaking metaphorically.  I am speaking because I am alive and you are alive.  And metaphorically speaking this time, we as people can move mountains.

My first training day was this past Saturday.  I signed up for the advanced training program.  Let me tell you, I’m going to be pushed to my physical limits.  But in the end I hope to have a six pack or a cute boyfriend or both.  I know, I know.  I’ve been wanting one forever but it’s never too late to wish for one if you don’t already have it.  But as a reminder, just donate money and you will feel like you have both; a cute boyfriend and a six pack.

Besides having a six pack you will be treated to a blog of my training.  I’ve chronicled my trials and tribulations during the 2006 Honolulu Marathon on my own website.  Unfortunately that site is no longer in existence.  But fortunately it will be up and running again through WordPress.org.  In the next few days I will be working on updating my own blog.  That way you will be involved with my training progress or lack thereof.  I will keep you updated.  And you can see pictures during the 2006 Honolulu Marathon.  I tell you that was the most enlightened event of my life.  I had my friends there, my family and most importantly I had all of your support.  So watch out for updates.

Thank you all very much!

*This event has passed. Thank you all to everyone who have donated and participated in helping me meet my financial contribution to the 2009 AIDS Marathon. I couldn’t have done it without your support. My current fund raising drive is The Dancing Butterfly Foundation. Please visit for current activity and donation information. Thank you.

Anybody else thinking the same thing that I am thinking about or is it just me? I can’t believe that Thanksgiving has already passed. This year has gone by so quickly. I’ve been noticing that every year I keep thinking of the same thing; that the year just goes by so quickly. But as each year passes, it seems to be going by faster than the previous.

Well enough of my epiphany. I hoped everyone enjoyed Thanksgiving. And I promise to keep this story short and concise this time around. But let me tell you, I ate more than what my stomach could accommodate. Poor, Peter. He keeps telling me he’s had enough food to last him until the end of the year. But I couldn’t just pass up a another serving of stuffing, the collard greens, the baked yams, the sliced smoked pork and salmon on bread appetizers, the sautéed Brussels sprouts, the dark portion of the meat, the pumpkin sweet potato pie, the strawberry cheesecake, the…well you get the picture. There is nothing better than homemade cooking and spending time with people that makes you feel tingly all over that you just want to scream with love in your voice. I felt that way after about a few margaritas. The day after there were still some leftovers so I ate the rest of it. Now I’m in the process of detoxification, meaning less hard liquor and more red wine. Adam emailed an article to me not too long ago about a study stating how red wine is beneficial to your health. What would we wine drinkers do without those scientists doing such meaningful research to justify our alcoholic consumption? I don’t know but I sure will raise a glass to their laborious efforts, which brings me to the whole point of this story; my last long run in this marathon training.

I will raise a glass to myself and to everyone who completed 26 long miles. We’ve come a long long way baby. It wasn’t easy but towards the drive home, I found myself screaming so loud that the itty bitty crack on my windshield is just a little bit bigger. I have been in this training program since June. June was not that long ago but in terms of distance and if I had to run back to June that is a long ways away. And when it comes down to it, I am proud to say that I am unofficially a marathoner.

All the hard work, the waking up early in the morning, the maintenance run during the week and cutting down on partying, all, as we say in my native language, todo, were worth it. But I couldn’t have done it without all of you, mis fans. Thank you.

If you’ve been reading my writings, you’re all privy to my trials and tribulations so I won’t be telling you anything about how hard it was because believe me it was hard. But you know what? It wasn’t as hard as the previous long runs. Sure my calves were on the brink of cramping, my feet felt like they were about to crack into pieces, I was almost dehydrated, my mind was in constant battle with itself whether or not to quit altogether, you know the usual things you go through when running 26 miles. No I don’t want to relive all those things. What I want to tell you though is that running is sort of like one’s own life. All those things I just mentioned are like obstacles. I know it’s a pretty simple analogy but an analogy that has become my realization. I never thought about it before until now. I’ve come to think of my life as 26 miles. It’s hard for me to wake up during training days but I do it anyway because I have to not because I want to. I wanted to do a marathon so I have, need to go and train. So I follow the rules of eating and of conditioning to get me to my goal. It’s not easy to be regimented and follow the rules so you break them once in a while. I know I’ve had my share of happy hours with friends. During training days, you feel anxious because you don’t know what’s going to happen. And as the miles increase so does your anticipation and your feelings of uncertainty. And when you are running, you have to overcome all the obstacles that come before you to get to the finish line. It’s a tough road but you get through it. Although running is mainly a solitary sport but you get through the finish line not by yourself. You break the ribbon with the other runners. You break the ribbon with friends and family cheering you on. One goes through their own lives to get through the day. And in the end, it’s all about surviving life with all these things that you have to go through. And when I look back to June, I realized where I am, where I have been, what I have done and the friends and family that were with me.

See you in Hawaii.

My brother Renante has been reading my training blog and has been a strong supporter and one of my many inspirational figure. He’s read my hip problem and mentioned that if it is my right hip then it could be hereditary because he also has problems on that side of his body. I cursed the gene pool. Why do we have to inherit a defective right hip? If not for being a bit more mature (just a tad bit more, not too much) I would have gone off my many tirades of insignificant inequities. But like I said, I’m a bit more humble these days. No more those days of feeling sorry for myself because I don’t have this or I don’t have that and blah blah blah…it goes on and on and on. Hmmm…sometimes do you often wonder why you even felt sorry for yourself in the first place? I guess one must go through it in order to realize it and then move on to a higher purpose and not just be consumed of one’s excessive needs most of the time like I have been doing for so many years.

“It’s not fair,” Adam exclaimed. It’s the first time I’ve ever heard Adam complain in that tone of voice before. Think back when you were younger and playing say legos. That’s the first thing that came into my mind because my cousin had lots of legos when we were growing up. My parent’s couldn’t afford any sort of toys. In fact we hardly played with toys. And my cousin had tons of toys that he didn’t want us to play with. So I would say to him in a whiny voice, “That’s not fair. You have so many legos. And I get to walk in my wooden clogs that my mom made 2 years ago.” That’s a bit too excessive of a description. But that’s me, always excessive. I don’t remember what mile it was because last week has just been a blur to me except for the pain. I think it was about mile 16. And I said, “Don’t worry honee…bitch is going down. He will slow down near the end because he has to climb that hill again. He can’t keep up that pace.” Of course we were talking about our friend Tony. Today during our 10 mile run I asked him, “Is that your full name or is it Anthony or Antonio?” He said no. Ok so it’s Tony then. But we refer to him most of the time by his born-again Asian name of La China christened by Herson.

“It’s not fair,” once again Adam blurted out. Only this time, he sounded perturbed. I kind of laughed because I know what he was talking about. “I know. He hasn’t even been training with us this long and he is sprinting.” I shook my head and it was true. Tony was running ahead of the group. Sometimes he would kick a stone pretending to score a goal. Most times he would jump up and try to tear a leaf off a branch. Looking at him doing all those childish things, I suddenly understood what Adam was trying to tell me. And so I also imploded and said, “Yeah you’re right. It’s not fair.” And if it wasn’t for me being a little bit more mature, just a bit more, I would have ran faster, caught up with Tony and tell him to go left instead of right and trip him on his way and say, “Ooops, sorry. My hip made me do it.”

He has only been running with the group for a couple of weeks prior to the 23 mile run. By mile 18 I decided that Tony can run as fast as he wanted to because this old lady with a bad right hip is taking it nice and easy. We have yet to tackle the same hill at mile 21 and I wasn’t taking any chances in trying to sabotage Tony’s methamphetamine-like high. I learned from several dramatic experiences in the past that I shouldn’t worry about other people’s portions at the dinner table or if their food looks better than mine. So silently Adam and I continued without much further complaints about that show off person, what’s his name? We had better things to worry about like making sure our hair was photo perfect and to hide our pain for the camera. Christie and Omar were waiting for us at mile 18 with water, potato chips and more importantly a camera. Adam is being featured in the MWD’s (Metropolitan Water District) newsletter. And I just wanted more pictures of me running. We stopped for several photos. I stretched my legs and my calves and my hips.

We had 5 more miles to go and I wasn’t taking any chances. My calves were already feeling the first of many cramping stages. First I felt them cramp up a little during walk breaks. That’s the first sign that they are going to cramp up at full force if I didn’t stretch them periodically. And boy do they hurt. I hadn’t done any laundry all week and I just washed a pair of running socks over the sink and let them hung in the bathroom overnight. They were still wet in the morning so I had to iron dry them. Incidentally I burned a hole by the pinky toe section. You know, as I mentioned earlier that 10 miles for me was a short run, but after running 18 miles, 5 miles feels like a 100 especially when you are consumed by aches and pains under the brutal sun. By that time, I had drunk most of the liquids I could take in. I had eaten most of the power gels I could eat. I wasn’t sweating but my hands felt clammy. Adam said he wasn’t sweating anymore either. But we continued on. The thought of stopping at mile 20 at the base camp did not even cross my mind once but I was ready to give up at the start of the hill at mile 21. I think I suddenly became self aware at the way my body was feeling. I felt shortness of breath and feeling kind of woozy. My lips were dry, my throat was dry and my sense of place and time were distorted. I began to panic just a little. “Anybody got salt?” I asked the group. No one did. “I have an energy bar.” I took it from Adam’s waist pack. It wasn’t salt but it was food; food that I needed badly. “Thanks honee…” Running is usually a solitary sport but having a running partner is so much more better especially when it’s also your friend.

“How’s your hip?” “It’s ok, hurting but manageable.” “My feet hurt.” “I can’t feel my feet at all because my calves are going to cramp up pretty soon.” I said. The human body can take a lot of beatings as I said earlier. And there is a time where it can not withstand anymore beatings. But I wasn’t about to give up at mile 21. There is a lot to be said about people conquering things, whether it is fear, personal goals or for most people in the world, conquering a day to survive life. Your body may be able to withstand enormous pain but in the end it is your mind that controls whether or not you’ve had enough. I decided I can still do it. With each step climbing the hill, I was afraid that I would go down screaming because my calves no longer could withstand the pain. At every opportunity I stretched them but I was having another pain, one that I had not experienced during my training before. It was side pain. So at the downhill I was careful not to run too fast. Thank goodness Coach Mike was there to make sure we marathoners were ok. I complained about my side pain. He said that it’s not really side pain but a side stitch; caused by a spasm of the diaphragm, the muscle that controls your breathing. Ok so what should I do? He told me to slow down and breathe deeply. And while inhaling push air down to your lungs. It is hard to do without visualizing it. But the more I visualized it the more my calves tend to start cramping. I was just a pure mess. But I had just one more mile to go. And I kept remembering what Adam said to me whenever he sees that we’re getting closer to the finish line. “One mile, that’s like running on the treadmill for 10 minutes.” And for some reason converting miles into time gives me energy albeit small but energy nonetheless.

The whole group was in disarray. We were not running as a group anymore. I had gone off and started running on my own painful rhythm. When you’re in so much pain and you need to keep your mind be the master of every single thing, it is unnecessary to see if other people’s food looks better than yours. You just need to keep going, focus on the goal ahead and rid your mind of unnecessary negative thoughts. I got rid of the negative thoughts alright but then brainless and amusing thoughts were replacing them. At the home stretch, the sun was just too damn hot that I thought of taking my clothes off and just running naked. I thought that my clothing were excessive. I thought most of the things I’ve been doing with my life were excessive. But I also thought that I’ve been less excessive and less negative. The less I have the less clutter my life seems to be. And thinking about them made me forget that I was in pain. It was also because I can see the finish line. I always get this way whenever I accomplish something. You know, I’ve been thinking a lot about my accomplishments these days. I think people should spend more time about the good things they’ve accomplished so far in life no matter how small or big they are.

At the run site, Adam took off his shoes, walked around, ate whatever food he could grab. I sat on the grass trying not to make myself feel dizzy. Omar and Christie finally came back from their post. Tony was stretching. He said something along the lines that he was hurting. He was like the rest of us after all; in agonizing pain. I thought he was going to say it was a piece of cake. But I guess that’s what I like about my friends. We are a bit more humble and mature than we used to be. Or at least I like to think so.